Goodbye Best Friend

How does it feel to kill your best friend?
Whatever the suffering I have saved her from,
Should it have been my choice at her end?

She couldn’t look after herself – agreed,
but was it then not my job to do so?
I chose to spare her no more instead.

And it feels like I have killed my best friend.

The burden she carried with every slowing step,
Now mine to take with me into my every future moment,
How will this feel in a day, a week, a month, a year?

Will I ever remember this fondly?
or will the memories we made be forever tarnished
with this hatred of myself
and the choice I felt I had no choice but to make?

I could not have loved her more and yet,
It feels like I have killed my best friend

RIP cleopuss.
Thank you and I’m so sorry xxxx


The Long Goodbye

IMG_8253I noticed this morning that cleopuss has a swollen right hind paw, and took her to the vet to have it checked out.  About 18 months ago she got an infection and abcess from a cat bite and i was hoping that this swelling was another abcess, alas it seems not.

Apparently she has a tumour in her foot, and after turning down the vets slightly mad offer of immediate amputation (she is twenty, hugely overweight and suffering from arthritis in her joints), it seems that it’s just a matter of time before I have to make the decision to put her to sleep. I am extremely emotional about this, having been completely obsessed with cats since I could talk, and having had such a lovely time with her for over 20 years. She has always had the nicest nature, and was the perfect pet for me. I will miss her dearly.

I will try and make the next days and weeks as comfortable for her as I can. As long as she is able to eat, get about, and purrs when I stroke her head, I guess I will know the time has not yet arrived. 

What a heavy responsibility it is to know that it is my call when my best friend is to die. 

Time portal …

cleopuss' time portal

Cleopuss invented a time machine in August of 2011. We arrive fresh from that date which much to tell :0)

I have however, worked hard and since last here I have learnt several programming languages, moved to a new building in my job, had yet more bad news about starting a family and cleopuss is starting to feel old. She can’t clean herself like she used to and is making a fuss over getting down the stairs. A few months ago she stopped eating altogether, and I did think the end was close. The lovely vet at Pets at Home tried and failed to take blood (you should have heard the noises coming from the treatment room!) but cured her with antibiotics.

Since then I have been appreciating what I have, the most friendly loveable cat in the world.

I have also renovated the attic and starting finishing off (!) the two albums of music phil and I have been making over the last 4 years. (see funkaholics on sound cloud for more details)

Overall, life is creative and fun. I am glad to be alive.

Goodbye Gadaffi …

No more fashion lessons from this particular nutter me thinks .. mutters Cleopuss

It is with pleasure that we see the downfall of Colonel Gadaffi in Libya, although we would like to remind readers that in a historically divided country with a newly created power vacuum, the journey towards democracy could be a rocky one. We at Ant n Cleopuss webwurld wish the transitional council patience and tolerance, as they work through their differences towards a future where Libyans can determine their own destiny.

Random Gallery …

Ant n Cleopuss Webwurld thanks The Chive for their regular smiles, some of which are collected below …

The Long Goodbye …

This morning I awoke to the news that Steve Jobs has accepted that his health is such that he cannot continue his $1 dollar per year post as Apple CEO. For those, like me, who follow tech news this is a biggie, and although I think that he will have mapped out Apple’s next few moves in typically minute detail, the world of tech will be decidedly worse off without him.

For the time being at least, he remains a master of the simple cutting phrase, some of my favourites are below:

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” 2005

“If today was the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about do today” 2005

“Things don’t have to change the world to be important” 1996

“When you’re a carpenter making a beautiful chest of drawers, you’re not going to use a piece of plywood on the back, even though it faces the wall and nobody will ever see it. You’ll know it’s there, so you’re going to use a beautiful piece of wood on the back” 1985

“For something this complicated, it’s really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.” 1998

“Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains” 1998

“When you first start off trying to solve a problem, the first solutions you come up with are very complex, and most people stop there. But if you keep going, and live with the problem and peel more layers of the onion off, you can often times arrive at some very elegant and simple solutions. Most people just don’t put in the time or energy to get there” 2006

“We’re just enthusiastic about what we do.” 1985

“We made the buttons on the screen look so good you’ll want to lick them.” 2000

“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful… that’s what matters to me.” 1993

“The cure for Apple is not cost-cutting. The cure for Apple is to innovate its way out of its current predicament.” 1999

“(Innovation)… comes from saying no to 1,000 things to make sure we don’t get on the wrong track or try to do too much. We’re always thinking about new markets we could enter, but it’s only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” 2000

“I’ll always stay connected with Apple. I hope that throughout my life I’ll sort of have the thread of my life and the thread of Apple weave in and out of each other, like a tapestry. There may be a few years when I’m not there, but I’ll always come back.” 1985

“The most compelling reason for most people to buy a computer for the home will be to link it to a nationwide communications network. We’re just in the beginning stages of what will be a truly remarkable breakthrough for most people––as remarkable as the telephone.” 1985

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” 2005

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” 2005

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.” 2005

“You know, I’ve got a plan that could rescue Apple. I can’t say any more than that it’s the perfect product and the perfect strategy for Apple. But nobody there will listen to me.” 1995

Bin Heaven …

The last picture from our recent visit to York, discovered at York hospital … A frog bin!